ParentLine

Dear ParentLine,

It’s tax season and that is bringing to light a lot about how our family spends money.  We’re watching our pennies, and our children are watching them too…watching them roll right out of their greedy little palms.   SO, we need to talk about allowances.  Our three children, ages 7, 9, and 12 think that they should have all the money in the world to buy everything from candy to clothes to toys to movie tickets to gifts for their friends!  The spending is getting out of hand and the notion that money grows on trees even more so.  Our kids don’t really want for anything, but you’d think that we were denying them food by the way they put up a stink when we refuse to spend.  We’re not cheap, but we’re not stupid either.  We are growing three “entitlement” monsters.  Please help. 

Signed, Mr.& Mrs. Back to Basic Values in Bedford, NH

 

You’re well advised to foster an attitude of gratitude here. You don’t have to allow your kids to grow into miserable little Gimmie Monsters.  It doesn’t take much to divert them from the Marsh of Materialism that eventually floods into the Ocean of Overindulgence.  Simply remember that “No” is a complete answer.  If they push, you can add, “What part of ‘No’ don’t you understand?”

 

As you begin the “N” word campaign, there’ll be shock, wailing, and even tantrums.  To wean your kids—cold turkey-- from of the frenzy of consumption that is a sad sign of our times will demand fortitude and commitment.  However, parents who dare to offer their children values different from those of the mainstream are up against tough competition.

 

Krista Ramsey, author of an article titled, “Are Our Children Overindulged?  American teenagers spend more than $150 billion a year – more than the gross domestic product of Finland, Ireland or Chile,” quotes former Texas A&M University marketing professor, James McNeal, who says, “It starts early, when babies are first taken to the mall at the median age of two months.  It bears fruit when they begin asking for brand-name cereal at age two, and gathers clout in primary school when 92 percent of their pestering is name-brand requests.  By high school, it’s in full bloom when teens trek to the mall 54 times annually to everyone else’s 39 times, and know that an average of nine “nag attacks” will lead parents to reach for the plastic.”

 

Consider these statistics complied by David Bredehoft (http://overindulgence.info) in an article titled “Are Children Today More Overindulged Than We Were?” that suggest some disturbing trends:

    • Companies spend an estimated $14.4 billion annually to advertise products to kids.
    • Children influence parental decisions to the tune of $290 billion annually.
    • Americans under 26 spend five times more money than their parents did at that age.
    • 31% of college seniors have credit card balances of $3000-$7000.
    • US teens spend on average $80 per shopping trip to the mall.
    • 33% of 8-12-year-olds own a cell phone.
    • The fastest growing bankruptcy rate is from among adults under 25.
    • The average US child watches 10,000 food advertisements on TV each year.
    • 56.9% of 16-19-year-olds worked or looked for a job last summer.
  • Of the typical 48 hours spent weekly on household chores, children average six hours, husbands 10, wives 32.

 

Bredehoft offers these ideas to help parents avoid overindulgence:

    • Set limits on how much TV your children can watch and enforce them.
    • Teach your children to do chores.
    • Educate your children about the manipulative effects of advertisements.  
    • Become a good role model for your child.  Talk the talk, walk the walk..
    • Set a goal of eating one well-balanced meal as a family each day.
    • Limit the number of fast food meals you and your children consume.
  • Talk about money management with your children.

 

Here’s where allowances come in.  Bear in mind, though, that experts disagree on whether allowances should be conditioned on performing chores.  In a series on money management for kids by the folks at Family Education (http://life.familyeducation.com),

both sides believe strongly in their positions.  On one hand, to require work for pay prevents a kid from believing in entitlement.  There’s value in doing work and being rewarded for it and it’s good training for getting a job.

 

On the other hand, others believe that chores should be required just because a child is part of the family. The argument here is that kids should be required to contribute time and effort to help with the family workload.  Whatever basis you choose for giving an allowance, ParentLine suggests that you consider the conditions carefully and stick to them, once you decide.

 

The folks at Family Education suggest that there are many factors that go into fixing an allowance.  These factors are your child’s age, your family’s income, where you live and what the allowance is supposed to cover.  The rule of thumb so far as the amount is to pay a dollar per year of the child’s age. You may increase the amount when the kids get to be teens, but at the same time, you may expect them to supplement their allowance with their own earnings.  You can take your neighborhood into account when you set your child’s allowance or you can decide if this should be a factor at all.  There is virtue in not keeping up with the Jones’s and the sooner your children learn this lesson the better for them.

 

Talk with your children regularly about how to use an allowance.  The Family Education experts suggest that how children allocate their allowances will vary with their age.  Here are some categories that you and your child can discuss in terms of allocation of spending: a car, charity, clothing, entertainment, savings and investments, school expenses (extracurricular activities and other expenses, toys and video games).

 

Paul Richard, writing for the National PTA  (www.familyeducation.com) in an article titled Kids and Money: Allowance and Spending Decisions, suggests that money gives people decision-making opportunities.  Here are five tips on using allowance and daily spending to get kids started on the road to financial responsibility:

    • When giving children an allowance, give them the money in denominations that encourage saving.
    • Take children to a credit union or bank to open their own savings account.
    • Keeping good records of money saved, invested or spent is another important skill young people should learn.
    • Use regular shopping trips as opportunities to teach children the value of money.
  • Allow young people to make spending decisions.

 

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families.  Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486;  write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.