Holidays

Dear ParentLine,

The holiday season is upon us and we would like to make holiday traditions for our children that mean something. We have always run around trying to please everybody, buying stuff, decorating and succumbing to commercialism and overall stressing out. But this year, we’d like to have quiet family dinners and activities and do something charitable in our community. Our kids are 9 and 13 and have never wanted for anything—and have a lot to be thankful for. We want to step outside of the holiday “rat race” and make memories that will matter. Focus on family and philanthropy and foster the real spirit of the season. Any creative ideas?

Signed, Thankful on the Seacoast

Bravo for your decision to celebrate the real “spirit” of the season. Family holiday traditions and rituals based on caring for and sharing with others are the best “gifts” parents can give their kids. Imagine what our world would be like if everyone decided it really was better to give than to receive—and not just during the holidays!

ParentLine found some great ideas on the subject in an article titled, “Teaching Children to Give.” (http://organizedchristmas.com) Author Cynthia Townley Ewer advises, “Giving is not about toys, things, or possession. Giving, or at least, the kind of giving I want to teach my children to do is about grace.” She goes on to say that grace lies at the heart of every true gift. If grace is present, the humblest gift warms and ennobles, creates and expresses love. ParentLine suspects this is the spirit of giving you wish to instill in your children.

As an example of the way many parents go about teaching their kids about giving to those less fortunate, Ewer points to the practice of having kids give their old toys away. Ewer suggests this isn’t necessarily the way to give with grace, but rather serves as a “learning experience” without thought for the comfort, embarrassment, or feelings of the child who receives the used toys. The following are ways to help kids learn to give in the spirit of grace.

Give year round. Make giving part of your lives all year long.
Make giving real. Get your kids involved. One effective method for school-aged children is the popular Angel Tree ministry or similar outreach efforts sponsored by many churches and charitable organizations. A family sponsors a child of designated age and sex, buying gifts and clothing for delivery by the charity. OR, give gift cards or cash donations to charities to enable the people they serve to get what they choose and have fun with the experience.
Give in secret. The idea here is to help your kids understand that it’s no gift when we expect gratitude. The real idea behind charitable giving, Ewer says, is knowing that somewhere. someone received something they needed but didn’t expect.
Allow your children to sacrifice. Even a small sacrifice on their part will reinforce a lesson on giving more than any other factor.

At the same time you help your child learn about the spirit of giving, work with them to figure out what to give. Gifts take many forms. What could be better than the sound of children singing in a nursing home or the glow of a child’s bright face in the room of a shut-in?

There is no shortage when it comes to places that can use both money and/or service. In an article titled, “Teach Kids About Giving to Charity,” from her book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Money-Smart Kids, author Barbara Weltman suggests:

Discuss your child’s concerns about the world. Does he want to help cure disease, and if so, which one? Support the arts? Support education? Feed the hungry? House the homeless? Save the environment? Support your church or other religious organization? This type of discussion will help your child identify the area of areas that he’d like to help.
Find the charity that’s trying to fix the problems your child is concerned about. For example, a child whose grandfather died of heart disease may want to give to the American Heart Association. Or, maybe he wants to help an inner-city kid attend summer camp by giving to the Fresh Air Fund.

Because of the huge number of NH organizations and the danger of leaving someone off this list, ParentLine decided to encourage you to encourage you to teach your children to let their “fingers do the walking.” Help your kids make up their holiday gift giving list. Then, take a stroll through the Yellow Pages of the phone book or online. After you have identified where your child would like to make a donation, help your children call the local agency to find out what kinds of gifts are needed.

Contact your church, town office and/or police/fire department, local nonprofit service agency about the many giving initiatives these organizations sponsor in your community. Your local newspaper and radio stations also have lists of places to give both money and service. In fact, our local station, WZID, presents the Christmas is for Kids Radiothon to support local children in need, through which it’s easy and fun to give! Call your local bank for the closest drop-off for the annual Toys for Tots drive. Many other organizations have lists that request special items, such as canned goods, gas cards, assistance with heating oil and electricity.

Organizations like Heifer International (www.heifer.org), and The Seva Foundation (www.seva.org) take money and sponsor service initiatives in this country and all over the globe. Their programs are diverse and support the development and economic growth of communities ravaged by disease, war, and poverty.

A critical place your family can offer support is for our nation’s veterans. Contact your church for names of your neighbors’ sons and daughters who are serving in the armed forces. Initiatives like The Wounded Warrior Project (www.woundedwarriorproject.org) invite folks to “consider sponsoring a backpack for a wounded warrior: A donation of $99 or more purchases a filled backpack for one soldier with much-needed comfort items such as toiletries and other personal goods. When you purchase the backpack, you will be given an opportunity to write a message of thanks and hope to the soldiers who receive the backpacks, showing them that their fellow citizens care about them and appreciate their bravery and courage. Your message will be placed on a luggage tag that will be attached to the backpack”

Please remember the animals! Contact your local SPCA where our precious-pawed friends who are lost or abandoned will always welcome gifts of time, love, compassion, care and money.

To capture the true “gift” of the holiday season, think back to the time when your kids had more fun playing with the box than the gift that came inside of it. As your family gathers together in whatever form your holiday celebration takes, remind your children that their presence in your life is the very best “present” of all. As you teach your children how to give gifts of the heart, you really do give them a gift that keeps on giving. ParentLine wishes you and yours a blessed and happy holiday.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families. Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486; write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.