Stages of Developement

Dear ParentLine,

We’re expecting our first baby (at around the new year). We’ve been getting lots of advice from friends and family about the practical “care and feeding” of, but we’re curious about something we heard about in the parenting classes we’re attending called “ages and stages.” All the other parents in class have at least one child and already knew what the instructor was talking about. My husband and I didn’t want to seem dumb for not knowing anything about this, so we didn’t ask. Can you help us out here? What are these “ages and stages” and why do we need to know about them?

Signed, Parents-to-be in central, NH

Please repeat after ParentLine. “When it comes to being better informed about being a parent, there are no dumb questions.” You might be considered “dumb” if you needed to know something and didn’t ask. Be advised that the operating manual that’s supposed to come with your baby will mysteriously disappear in the delivery room. For this reason, your question is an important one.

Over the past several decades, experts have noodled out the “ages and stages” of early childhood social, emotional, psychological and physical development. Two of the most important pioneers of this field are Erik Erikson and Jean Piaget. Piaget proposed that a child’s thinking process develops through a number of stages until a child is able to think logically. By understanding a child’s cognitive development, we are able to arrange age-appropriate lessons and learning environments.

Erikson saw a “psychological crisis” in each of his eight stages of development, which arise and demand resolution before the next stage can be satisfactorily negotiated. Erikson’s stages are laid out in the same way one might build the foundation of a house. The satisfactory learning and resolution of each crisis is necessary if the child is to manage the next and following ones.

For the curious parent, volumes of information and great websites abound. Information about your baby’s development at specific ages and in different stages is important not only for you to understand what is happening in terms of your child’s capabilities but also to help you if your child is not developing according to these norms. Please see the end of this article for more information in the event you need to access help if this is the case.

Here is a checklist prepared by the Child Welfare League of America (www.cwla.org) to help you get an idea of normal development.

Children around the age of one year grow and change so rapidly that it’s somewhat difficult to describe them. But by the first birthday, most children:

Identify and react to the emotions of others
Play games like patty cake and peek-a-boo
Sit up without support
Say mama and dada; imitate sounds
Recognize their own name
Wave bye-bye
Crawl, may walk
Have no sense of caution
Pull themselves up to standing position
Feed themselves small pieces of food or crackers
Show interest in other children

Two-year-olds: While two-year-olds are at one of the very cutest stages, they can be a real trial to live with. This is the age of transition between infancy and childhood. Twos are struggling to be independent, yet they are still very dependent. They may appear to understand things that they really don't, thus seeming defiant. There is no good or bad two-year-old. They are "good" when they happen to feel like doing what we want them to do and "bad" when they don't. Because of this, parents must learn to maneuver skillfully around children this age. The trick is to get them to want to do what we want. When they balk at doing something, try to turn it into a game. The general traits of two-year-olds are:

Assert independence
Demand attention, their favorite word is "No!"
Prone to tantrums, hitting, and biting
Easily distracted and are self-centered and possessive
Still do not really play with other children for long periods
Need help dressing and undressing
Affectionate
May develop fears
Walk well, constantly on the go, can jump and throw a ball
Appetite may fall off sharply
Learn many new words
Adorable, although for some this may be only when they are asleep

Three-year-olds: Children are learning to do more things for themselves. This helps them feel independent. Children want to please their parents, particularly from around age three and a half through puberty. It’s critical that they be able to please you. If you are too difficult to please, they give up and become rebellious or withdrawn. The general traits of three-year-olds are:

Still say “No” a lot, but are becoming a bit more cooperative (Some children, however, hit their most obstinate stage at three or three and a half.)
Favorite word now is "Why?"
Attention span is increasing
Begin to play with other children
Active imagination; may enjoy imaginary playmate
Can repeat short nursery rhymes and understand simple stories
Speak in short sentences
Learning to share and wait for their turn
Imitate others
Want to please parents if relationship is good
Very active; large motor skills developing rapidly
Small motor skills (such as using a pencil or crayons) begin to improve
Getting neater at mealtime, but still lots of spills
Need help in dressing but can wash and dry hands and face
May develop a slight stutter

Four-year-olds: In general, four-year-olds are easier to manage than are twos and threes unless you have become locked into a power struggle. Although many fours will not use the defiant "NO" to every directive, they will often find other ways to resist parental authority. Dawdling and "deafness" are simply passive ways to assert their independence. General traits of four-year-olds are:

Quite verbal; able to express themselves in words, complete sentences, and conversations
Ask constant questions
Attention span is longer than at age three
Still very imaginative
Recognize colors (Caution: Some children are color-blind.)
Can match sizes, shapes, and colors
Play well with other children but may boss and criticize others
May be afraid of the dark, thunder, animals, etc.
Enjoy dramatic play-puppets, dolls, dress-up, cars, etc.
Learning right from left
Love physical activity, can go up and down a short ladder, throw balls overhand
Balance is good
Can dress alone, manage buttons and shoelaces, and may be able to zip and snap
Able to cut with scissors

Remember that each child is unique and will develop at his or her own pace. If you’re concerned that your child is having problems, talk to your pediatrician or contact your local school district. There’s nothing to be ashamed of if a child needs special help to progress at his or her best rate.

The State of New Hampshire’s Bureau of Developmental Services (1-800-852-5543 Ext.5034) is the number to call for information about Early Supports and Services (ESS) that are available for children ages zero to three. There are regional offices throughout the state which do intake assessments to see if an individual is eligible for services in the event they are needed. You may also call Child and Family Services’ Early Supports and Services program at 603-772-3786.

Here’s wishing you the best of luck with you new baby. Whether he’s the New Year’s baby or not, it will be a new era of joy for you and your family.

ParentLine is a free and confidential service of Child and Family Services, a statewide, independent, nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing the well-being of children and families. Call ParentLine, 1-800-640-6486; write ParentLine, c/o Child and Family Services, P.O. Box 448, Manchester, NH; email parentline@cfsnh.org or visit our website at www.cfsnh.org.